Lessons Learned

I sat and listened carefully as she sang the final verse of the song the second time.  I smiled widely and nodded with encouragement as I heard the emotional connection lock in to place as a result of an adjustment I had asked her to make.  Her young voice, although beautiful the first time around, freed up and soared the second time as the meaning of the words hit home.  After she finished, she looked at me as her eyes lit up, “that was better!” she told me with excitement.

I hadn’t expected it to feel so rewarding.  In fact, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I accepted the request to give some voice lessons to two of our friend’s daughters.  I had no experience teaching; my music education degree becoming quickly dormant as I pursued my performance career.  I did, however, remember every great technique that my best teachers had taught me and was thrilled to share what I learned with these two young and talented girls.  It quickly became clear to me why people teach and especially why people teach voice.  There is something incredibly thrilling about being a part of someone’s vocal breakthrough, or when you see the lights come on in someone’s eyes as they understand a concept you were explaining to them.  I saw myself in each of their young faces and heard my voice in theirs.  My two pupils were already bitten with the singing and theatre bug and were supported by parents who were encouraging their every step towards their dreams.  I reflected on my thousands of hours of sweat and sometimes tears in my own voice lessons as I got to know my voice and worked through all of its millions of nuances.  The entire experience was a wonderful infusion, wiping away any exhaustion I had carried with me from the New York bus ride the night before.

Thank you so much!” each girl said to me with excitement as they gave me hugs when the lessons concluded.  “Of course!  It was my pleasure!” I said and hugged them back, turning quickly away as they walked out of the room, working to keep my watering eyes at bay.

It’s only too late when you’re dead.

Dreams are for the strong at heart.  Those who dare to dream are those that dare to love, to feel passion for life, to take risks in order to live fully.  A life of pursuit is one that is limitless and fearless.  Eyes that shine with light and hearts that pulse with fire and drive will be the ones that see dreams come true.  Occurences that would seem discouraging are simply pathways to bigger opportunities on the horizon.  No matter how hard it gets or how difficult it may seem, to walk away from a passionate pursuit, to give up, can never be an option until my last breath.

These things were on my mind tonight as I sat looking at the long list of auditions that I’ve done (and the many more to come) and I am reminded that I have really just begun.  I’ve really only started in full earnest, in open and honest pursuit of what I have always wanted.  I remember the encouraging comments I have received in the audition room and the advice and support given along the way by my friends and I take note.  But what stays with me most of all is the feeling I get when I finish an audition and walk out of the room.  It is the feeling that, although I would love to bottle and carry with me at all times, is one that is earned each time I take another step to the goal instead of walking away.  Dreams are for the strong at heart.

“If I can’t, then I must.”

Photo taken and permission given by Laurie Rogers

I felt it instantly as I read the email for the first time; the familiar pull of hesitation and the twinge of nervousness at the unknown.  I looked a second time at the email in which an emerging, young director had asked me to audition for the lead in his movie.  I had never done an audition for film before and for a moment I took pause.  The minute I did that, I laughed out loud and said to myself, “Well you have to do it now.”

When presented with an opportunity or an experience that makes me a little scared or a little nervous, I feel compelled to move forward with it.   I’m reminded of my role in The Light in the Piazza, which was an incredible challenge for me but one that lead to major growth as a performer.  Some of the most rewarding experiences have happened when I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone to discover new abilities and strengths that I never knew I had.  Forge without fear!

First and Foremost

The prompter looked directly at me as I sat in the first chair by the sign-in table.  A line of hopefuls waited in the row of chairs beside me leading to a longer trail that led around the waiting areas. “Ok, we will start signing up in 5 minutes so be sure to grab your stuff.”  In the exact opposite extreme of my first EPA audition attempt where I didn’t get to sing at all, I was now the first one in line.  Although we can pick any audition slot we wanted when we signed in, I wanted the first one.

Three Hours Earlier:

Waking up at 4:30 is serious business even for a morning person such as myself.  Usually that time of day is reserved for early plane departures, anticipation of something exciting in the day ahead, the tail end of an already sleepless night, or half-asleep potty breaks.  But this morning as my eyes flung open, it was the waking of tenacity.  Staying at an uptown apartment that my dear friend let me borrow, an incredibly generous gesture that afforded me the ability to get up at this hour,  I was able to trek down to Broadway to get in line for the Phantom of the Opera auditions.  Rumor has it that they are, or soon will be in the process of hiring cast replacements for both the principals and the ensemble.  Being as they are specifically asking for opera-trained singers, it was imperative that I was there to get an EPA spot.  Learning my lesson from last time, I got ready and hauled my sleepy self (sans coffee!) to the A train heading downtown at 5:30.  Climbing topside to 42nd street, and as I made my way to the audition, (with a coffee now in hand), my excitement and anticipation started to build.  Finally making it to the equity office by 6:15, I was relieved to see that there were only 7 people ahead of me.  Mission accomplished!  I would get a spot for sure.  I settled in and watched the line slowly grow behind me, picking up speed around 7 AM.  Little did I know that all of the people ahead of me would turn out to be non-equity, shooting me immediately to the front of the line.

“What time would you like?” the prompter asked, a whole day’s worth of slots empty and ready to be filled.  “I’ll go first” I said with a smile.  If not now, then when?  “First, huh? he commented as he copied the name from my Equity card?  “Why not?” I responded as I took my audition card.

When I went in to sing, the casting associate looked up and said, “First in line!” in which I replied as I handed my songbook to the pianist, “Why not?” I said as we both laughed.  Moments later I took my place and launched.

Tango with the unexpected

I sat poised in my spot on the risers as the orchestra boomed out the lusty notes of the Carmina Burana, the Maestro and all the fun and froth he brought to the piece, leading all of us down a sensual path.  The air was heavy with summer moisture and a slight cooling breeze gave us some level of relief.  As the piece progressed, the percussion, my favorite part, reverberated through my body.  I was grateful for this time as I sat waiting for my time to sing.

I was still getting used to the fact that for the first time in my life I was a full-time singer.  I reflected back on the experience earlier that day when I found out that I was being laid off from my job of 12 years.

With not much time to contemplate the news, I had rushed to rehearsal, which in a timely and symbolic fashion reminded me of my priorities.  As I observed the Maestro giving notes, I felt the heightened emotional poignancy of the rehearsal after having my safety net removed.  I was suprised to realize that the overriding emotion at that moment was elation.

Another curveball had presented itself.

Although I know that I should always find the courage to make my own changes in order to forge my life and to not wait for the changes to come to me, I was grateful for this turn of events.  In that one moment, I received the wake-up call.  Instead of panicing, I will meet the challenge head on and choose to make the most out of the opportunity by becoming very resourceful and innovative.  I will head out to my auditions this week with new insight and excitement for the future.  The time to redesign my life had come.