In between discipline

“What is discipline? Why, it’s standing the gaff – standing it, not submitting to it. It’s accepting the facts of life-of your own life, as they happen to be. It isn’t being conquered by them. It’s not making masters of them, but servants to the underlying things you want.” – The Real Adventure, Henry Kitchell Webster

You would think after my many years of going to the gym that I would really understand this (and apply it) to singing as well.  This quote, which I read this morning on the train (and only a few pages in of a very interesting and incredibly romantic novel), really stuck with me and I’ve chewed on it ever since.  With singing (i.e. practicing), I noticed a very troublesome element with me.  When I’m doing a role (like now), I am a whirlwind of practice, preparation and diligence; almost to a fault because I forget to eat, find it hard to sleep (for I’m running scenes and lines in my head) and everything else around me gets put aside.  This is good, of course, as I’m extremely prepared and engrossed.  What is not good is what I do the rest of the time – the time between the excitement of a role, a performance, a gig.  I find it hard to stay focused, to practice as much, etc.  I even tried to (ir)rationalize this by simply stating that I needed to always have great jobs on the horizon so that I would always be practicing.  Good one!  That would be great…..but no.  When I really need to dig in to myself to get motivated, more than ever, is when I am in between.  When I don’t have the promise of a rewarding outcome on the horizon.  It is not lost on me that this, obviously, works, as I needed to do this before the role I’m preparing now because there was nothing in the way of musical theatre on my horizon beyond a landscape of auditions (that is practice too!  I know!).  And that the preparing that I have done might have (shock!) helped to get the role I have now.  Me, who frets more than the frettiest fretter, sometimes (even during this exhilarating time in my life), will peek to a few months beyond, when the role will be on my resumé as “recent experience” (which, is great to finally have!) and wonder what I will do to fill the in between.    Well….I don’t “wonder” as that is my being lazy.  I will, first, realize all that I’ve gained (and have yet to gain) with this experience and realize I’m different from I was so few months ago.  That “recent experience” on a resume is an understatement.  The very fact that I got the role will lead me to more motivation to do what I need to do to repeat the experience and to more validation that if I apply myself, it will pay off, because it has and it will again.