Keep on going…

After the audition.

I’ve been listening to some great podcasts lately and one thing that I keep hearing over and over again is how your auditions are your job.  The end result (getting the role) is only part of it and that you must love the process as well.  When I think of it, I know that it is true and I simply have to keep going.  My auditions used to be frustrating as, although I had the voice, I didn’t have any of the skills that went with it – the acting piece of it, for instance or the other countless things that I’ve been learning lately.  The feeling I got going in was one of “flying by the seat of my pants” and that just won’t cut it in this business.  My auditions now are different.  They are getting better and better and I’m having more and more fun with them.  The attitude (finally) is changing a lot on my end.  So, the part of the audition that I CAN control is getting better.  The other part – kind of still gets frustrating.  I get good feedback, calls from the directors saying how great I was, etc., but I still don’t get cast.  I know, then, that it was down to things out of my control.  A good number of times, I’ve been turned down because I was too tall.  One of my favorite ones was an audition for Guys and Dolls where they kept me until Midnight standing next to different guys one after the other to see who I fit best with.  They asked  me to take my hair down, then put it back up again.  I’m finding that I’m too tall a LOT, which is surprising because I’m really not THAT tall, am I?  So, it’s a bittersweetness that I’m feeling.  I want the roles and I’m not getting them (so far) because of other things.  I just have to keep going and eventually, I will solve the problem that a director has and will be the one that they hire.  Old news, right?  I’m a little late to the party, I know.  But, I guess all I’m trying to say is that I won’t quit.  I just simply won’t.  I love it too much.  I’m made for this.  And the fact that if my granny were alive today, she’d kick my ass if I ever quit.  I’m out there and I’m trying.  And that’s better than sitting in the corner and being afraid.  I heard a quote yesterday that sums it up quite perfectly.  “The same walls you put up because you are afraid of disappointment will be the same ones that keep you from happiness.”   I have to be happy.